SATIRE: Man Prides Himself On His Original Brand of Comedy: Quotes From “The Office”
Local man Dan Daniels is reported to be entirely incapable of coming up with original jokes that aren’t quotes from the NBC sitcom The Office.
“Dan’s failed attempts to make wildly overused pop culture references funny by adding finger guns or whatever have driven me to almost complete madness,” said Daniels’ coworker Rick.
“In meetings, Dan’s contributions usually go down as at least 3 minutes of Dan going, ‘Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s… oh no, I can’t remember the rest of the quote! Hang on! Oh no, what was it?’ while we sit and quietly die inside. And sometimes outside. RIP Tim.”
Turning directly to the camera we were using to film this interview, with gratuitous irony, Rick said, “Wouldn’t it be great if Dan took a comedy class to come up with some original comedic tropes? That’d be just peachy.”
Daniels’ intern Jessica finds his inability to recognize which parts in The Office were literally jokes about what not to do in the workplace have made him nearly impossible to work for.
“Last Tuesday at lunch in the break room, Dan performed the Chris Rock bit, as Michael Scott,” said Jessica. “Apparently, somewhere along the way, Dan realized that bit in The Office was funny—but he clearly doesn't know why. And not understanding what the bit was about is not an excuse. I didn’t understand most of Monty Python’s Flying Circus. But even I don’t come to work on Halloween dressed as Eric Idle in blackface.”
At this point in our interview, Jessica stood up and began repeatedly banging her head against a nearby wall, presumably to relieve the pain.
Jessica then grabbed the laptop we were using to record this interview and yelled into it, “I beg of you, someone out there, sign Dan up for a comedy class. We are hostages living in hell. End our agony. If you do, I will give you my firstborn.”
Dan Daniels was last seen on the top of the office building, yelling “You ignorant sl*t!” at passersby.
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