Georgetown, Top Schools Collude To Reroute Financial Aid To Celebrity Children’s Rowing Banquet

Written by Brady Condon and Alexandra Bowman

Georgetown University is one of 16 elite universities sued for colluding to limit financial aid granted to students. When reached for comment, Georgetown sent the Hilltop Show the following justification: “If you must know, we’ve been saving up for one, outrageous, lavish, debaucherous night.” Dressed to kill, Georgetown trustees in silk ballgowns and pink glitter tuxes personally handed our wealthiest reporter the following invitation.